Rock-a-bye baby? Not quite.....and All the Other Questions

So now you know....

 

From my previous post you know that we have started the adoption process, that we've tried IUI, and you've got a brief version of what 2012 has been like for me. The comments I've received from telling people in person and from my last post have been interesting, nothing to exciting ...yet anyways. From what I've read, I assume there will be much more to tell later.

 

There are some things I would like to clarify though....

 

Peace

First, we have not given up on growing our family the "normal" way, however, that is not the route we are choosing at this time. Maybe someday in the future we will revisit our efforts in trying to conceive or maybe we won't. Perhaps adopting will completely fill this nagging hole in my heart to be a mom and giving birth to a child will no longer be something I desire.

 

Interestingly enough, during our IUI attempts, something happened. I can't really pin point the exact day or time, or even the week, but I realized it was not something I needed anymore. Up until that point I had always felt like if I didn't give birth I would be less...less of woman, less of mom, less of wife. I think a large portion of society causes some mothers who are made in "unconventional" ways to feel different, abnormal, and yes...less than. Actually, after reading several blogs written by mothers who have adopted, I know this to be true.  

 

I remember telling my husband at one point that I wasn't really sure about continuing IUI. I think he thought that I was scared it wouldn't work, that I was allowing myself to prepare for the failure I was expecting. I even began to wonder if that was really it.... did I want something so bad, but was so afraid it wouldn't happen that I began try and make myself not want it?

 

After our 3rd failed attempt, I felt such peace about our decision to stop trying. It wasn't something I had scared myself into feeling, at this point in my life I honestly just felt that giving birth wasn't something that I had to do. It wasn't just the fear of self administering shots that discouraged us from continuing (although I'm sure this did play a small part in a way), a large part was that I felt okay with not forcing it to happen. I still know I would enjoy the pregnancy process, but I simply do not need to be pregnant at this time.

 

It's hard to explain, and maybe after a while, once we've had time with our new family members, the need will came back. But in the meantime I am grateful for the peace God has provided my heart in this area. Seeing pregnant mommies-to-be thankfully doesn't sadden me (it was more like a pain that caused my heart to tear into several tiny shredded pieces) anymore.

 

Questions



Secondly, I would like to answer some of the most common questions I've recieved. It's interesting, when someone shares news that they are expecting people then often ask certain questions, "when are you due?," "do you want a boy or girl?," "how are you feeling?" and so on. I am sure pregnant mothers get tired of answering the same questions over and over. Telling people you are adopting comes with its own set of questions. Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm offended or not by what I get asked.

 

Usually the first question is, "from what country?" I want to ask...."why does that matter?". If I was adopting from China, or Russia, or maybe Haiti, would that make me a better person? Does it make you think differently about my future child? Does it make me not as "cool" as the hip celebrities if I don't adopt from an exotic place?

 

Perhaps I am being over sensitive. I am greatful that international adoption has become so poplar. A part of me does not mind the bluntness, I am mostly glad that you (who ever you are) seem to find adoption exciting (thus far anyways). I do often find myself proudly stepping onto my soup box to explain that there are children all over the world of different ages and races that need families and love, even in our own immediate area. More than 6,000 abused and neglected children in Texas are awaiting adoption.

 

While it may not seem foreign and magical, we are excited to adopt from anywhere, including boring ole' Texas (I actually love the Lone Star State myself). I've camped many-a campgrounds, swam several of her lakes, floated her rivers and walked her sandy shores and have found every experience quite memorable and can't wait to experience some of these things with my future children and family.

 

Another question I get is "what age, a baby?". I usually respond with "No, not a baby." It's simple, it's clear and I hope to get the point across quickly. However, my answer usually makes people feel sorry for me or nervous, their response can sometimes come in the form of a grunt, or I'll get a "are you sure" or "you never know." I am sure that these types of responses come from a lack of education or thought, and no... I'm not trying to offend anyone. Despite what people choose: giving birth to a baby, adopting a baby soon after they are born or adopting a baby sometime during their childhood, each option will have it's own pros and cons. My "cons" happen to be different than yours, not worse, not better, just different.

 

Of those 6,000 children in Texas waiting to be adopted about 60 percent of them are age 6 or older. The adoption agency that we chose only serves children from 0-12, so our child(ren) will not be older than 12. Yes, there may be more than one. I'm not sure how many. I feel like I have room in my heart for hundreds, but I'm trying to be as realistic as I can be.

 

There are several questions I receive that I can not answer. I do not know their race, I do not know when, I do not know how long it will take, and I don't know if they will be boys or girls. All I can do is pray that God will show us some sign and guide our way to a larger family. Our agency did inform us that since we are open it may not take as long as it takes others.

 

In the mean time any prayers you would like to send our way would be greatly appreciated. I also want to let you in on a secret, if you haven't noticed, I am not a writer. I've never been one to put things elegantly or be able to hang readers on the edge of their seats. Like most I rely on spell check and write what comes to mind.

 

Thanks for reading!

 

Kelli

xoxo