A Bittersweet Halloween

This Halloween I didn't hand sew a costume or scrounge through the costume racks looking for something we just couldn't do without. No Halloween candy buckets were purchased.  We never visited a pumpkin patch. I didn't make use of my camera snapping all I could of any cute munchkin sitting with the pumpkins. No carving here either. We're even skipping our Wednesday Family Dinner so T can spend the evening out with friends, far away from us (typical teen). I won't be walking around trying to race after anyone while they collect the candy they've been impatiently waiting for all month. Instead, this evening I'll be happily hiding in my home with the lights off, not passing out candy, but preparing for tomorrows home study that will hopefully lead to the fun and chaos that will come next Halloween or some future Halloween.

We have one thing left on our adoption application to complete, T has to have a doctor check-up and needs a letter stating he's up to date on immunizations. That's it. Everything else has been turned in. Such a good feeling to know that we've completed the application part.

Tomorrow is the big day and we've been trying to prepare. Our To-Do-List isn't disappearing as fast as we would like but somehow it will all get done in time before our agency's rep comes tomorrow evening at 5:30pm. Please pray for our home inspection, that I remember to put all the electrical plugs back in, that I found every medication and locked it away, that ever screwdriver is accounted for and safely stored in the locked shed, and that we communicate with her the best we can during our interviews (feel free to add anything you would like to your prayer!). She'll be back out a 2nd time at a later date to recheck things, so if we accidentally miss something we will just have to have it fixed by her second visit, so I'm trying not to stress to much.

Also, prayers for my sweet Kati who had a vet appointment during my lunch hour today for a small lump on her chest. After taking a sample and viewing it under the microscope the vet announced the mass was pre-cancerous. Most of the cells were fat but there were some that looked like cancer. Surgery in her near future to remove the mass.

The average life span of a Boxer is 9-10 years, she'll be 10 in February. She's slowed down a bit in her old age and is a little banged up from a horse accident but overall she does great. Hopefully we can get this mass removed and she'll be good to go for a few more good years. I know she would enjoy some extra hands (or feet, she doesn't discriminate) around the house for petting!

While it's mostly been a pretty discouraging day finding out my Kati is sick, I'm trying to keep my sights on Him and to all he has in store for us. I read a biography a while back written by a woman who survived WWII and eventually made it to America. During the war when she was in a concentration camp she talked about how she longed for the days she considered boring, the days she sat around her home reading, doing homework, and feeling like her life was just plain dull. On many occasions in the past I have complained to my husband about how boring we are and begged to do something, although I didn't know what. After reading that book I am trying to be more thankful, for all things good and boring.

On a more positive note, we are looking forward to my husband's best friend and his wife from WI visiting this weekend. We'll be eating lots I'm sure and enjoying spinning tires, deafening loud engines, tire pieces flying up on our faces, and checkered flags waving on Sunday while cheering on our favorite NASCAR drivers.

Prayers for a safe Halloween for all of you!

Rock-a-bye baby? Not quite.....and All the Other Questions

So now you know....

 

From my previous post you know that we have started the adoption process, that we've tried IUI, and you've got a brief version of what 2012 has been like for me. The comments I've received from telling people in person and from my last post have been interesting, nothing to exciting ...yet anyways. From what I've read, I assume there will be much more to tell later.

 

There are some things I would like to clarify though....

 

Peace

First, we have not given up on growing our family the "normal" way, however, that is not the route we are choosing at this time. Maybe someday in the future we will revisit our efforts in trying to conceive or maybe we won't. Perhaps adopting will completely fill this nagging hole in my heart to be a mom and giving birth to a child will no longer be something I desire.

 

Interestingly enough, during our IUI attempts, something happened. I can't really pin point the exact day or time, or even the week, but I realized it was not something I needed anymore. Up until that point I had always felt like if I didn't give birth I would be less...less of woman, less of mom, less of wife. I think a large portion of society causes some mothers who are made in "unconventional" ways to feel different, abnormal, and yes...less than. Actually, after reading several blogs written by mothers who have adopted, I know this to be true.  

 

I remember telling my husband at one point that I wasn't really sure about continuing IUI. I think he thought that I was scared it wouldn't work, that I was allowing myself to prepare for the failure I was expecting. I even began to wonder if that was really it.... did I want something so bad, but was so afraid it wouldn't happen that I began try and make myself not want it?

 

After our 3rd failed attempt, I felt such peace about our decision to stop trying. It wasn't something I had scared myself into feeling, at this point in my life I honestly just felt that giving birth wasn't something that I had to do. It wasn't just the fear of self administering shots that discouraged us from continuing (although I'm sure this did play a small part in a way), a large part was that I felt okay with not forcing it to happen. I still know I would enjoy the pregnancy process, but I simply do not need to be pregnant at this time.

 

It's hard to explain, and maybe after a while, once we've had time with our new family members, the need will came back. But in the meantime I am grateful for the peace God has provided my heart in this area. Seeing pregnant mommies-to-be thankfully doesn't sadden me (it was more like a pain that caused my heart to tear into several tiny shredded pieces) anymore.

 

Questions



Secondly, I would like to answer some of the most common questions I've recieved. It's interesting, when someone shares news that they are expecting people then often ask certain questions, "when are you due?," "do you want a boy or girl?," "how are you feeling?" and so on. I am sure pregnant mothers get tired of answering the same questions over and over. Telling people you are adopting comes with its own set of questions. Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm offended or not by what I get asked.

 

Usually the first question is, "from what country?" I want to ask...."why does that matter?". If I was adopting from China, or Russia, or maybe Haiti, would that make me a better person? Does it make you think differently about my future child? Does it make me not as "cool" as the hip celebrities if I don't adopt from an exotic place?

 

Perhaps I am being over sensitive. I am greatful that international adoption has become so poplar. A part of me does not mind the bluntness, I am mostly glad that you (who ever you are) seem to find adoption exciting (thus far anyways). I do often find myself proudly stepping onto my soup box to explain that there are children all over the world of different ages and races that need families and love, even in our own immediate area. More than 6,000 abused and neglected children in Texas are awaiting adoption.

 

While it may not seem foreign and magical, we are excited to adopt from anywhere, including boring ole' Texas (I actually love the Lone Star State myself). I've camped many-a campgrounds, swam several of her lakes, floated her rivers and walked her sandy shores and have found every experience quite memorable and can't wait to experience some of these things with my future children and family.

 

Another question I get is "what age, a baby?". I usually respond with "No, not a baby." It's simple, it's clear and I hope to get the point across quickly. However, my answer usually makes people feel sorry for me or nervous, their response can sometimes come in the form of a grunt, or I'll get a "are you sure" or "you never know." I am sure that these types of responses come from a lack of education or thought, and no... I'm not trying to offend anyone. Despite what people choose: giving birth to a baby, adopting a baby soon after they are born or adopting a baby sometime during their childhood, each option will have it's own pros and cons. My "cons" happen to be different than yours, not worse, not better, just different.

 

Of those 6,000 children in Texas waiting to be adopted about 60 percent of them are age 6 or older. The adoption agency that we chose only serves children from 0-12, so our child(ren) will not be older than 12. Yes, there may be more than one. I'm not sure how many. I feel like I have room in my heart for hundreds, but I'm trying to be as realistic as I can be.

 

There are several questions I receive that I can not answer. I do not know their race, I do not know when, I do not know how long it will take, and I don't know if they will be boys or girls. All I can do is pray that God will show us some sign and guide our way to a larger family. Our agency did inform us that since we are open it may not take as long as it takes others.

 

In the mean time any prayers you would like to send our way would be greatly appreciated. I also want to let you in on a secret, if you haven't noticed, I am not a writer. I've never been one to put things elegantly or be able to hang readers on the edge of their seats. Like most I rely on spell check and write what comes to mind.

 

Thanks for reading!

 

Kelli

xoxo

 

 

 

 



Our Growing Family



The Mellema's
Our Growing Family

I guess to get a better understanding of the story I'll start from the beginning which was about eight and half years ago when I married a man I had only known for 13 months. I couldn't have asked for a better best friend, partner in crime, or cheerleader. He's been such a supporter and encourager for our family and my hopes and dreams.

For those of you who know us, you know he's a tad bit older than I am... okay, well that may be a slight understatement, but it works perfectly for us. I came to the marriage with my ill behaved Boxer puppy, she was about a year old. And my husband brought with him my sweet step-son, who was 9 at the time we married. I'm going to be totally honest, the first year of our marriage was rough. But God is good and had a plan in mind.

It took time for our family to adjust and to be honest it still is adjusting. Every day is a new day that brings new challenges and triumphs. Our son, we'll call him "T" is a senior in high school now and over the past few years I've experienced things with him that I can share with friends and family who haven't been there yet but will one day. While our relationship has been slow, and like most new parents, I wish I could have done things better, I feel so happy at where we are now. Last night T and I stayed up till 1a.m. chatting about the things he wanted and needed to talk about. I felt guilty for keeping him up on a school night but I knew he needed me to listen to him and maybe provide some advice. He and his father have a relationship that's unique, just like he has with his birth mother. But I feel so proud that despite having two parents already in his every day life, he made room for a different kind of relationship with me.

While I feel great joy from being a step-mom I've always wanted to be a "mom." I was the little girl when asked in elementary school, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" answered, "a mommy." Occasionally this varied, but for the most part I didn't stray. When I got married I had this plan, this picture of how things would unfold. Growing up in church and having a relationship with God, I should have known that my plan may not always match what God has in mind.

A few years went by and no baby. Another....and...no baby. During this time on more than one occasion I mentioned (more like crying distraughtly while complaining) to my gynecologist that my cycles couldn't be considered normal. Along with severe pain, every month I experienced other severe side effects that I won't gross you out with. She insisted that everything was fine. At one point she did do a sonogram but found nothing.

After about 5 years we decided to visit a fertility specialist. Upon first examination she discovered I had endometrosis and had a single cyst in both ovaries at minimum, however, I was still ovulating. We prayed and discussed what our plan was. We had a few other things we had to get in order before we could start any type of treatments and soon after our first visit my husband found a new job which no longer had infertility insurance so we decided to wait a bit longer.

During this time all I saw were pregnant bellies. It was like a plague. Women with babies, women with huge bellies, close friends calling with the exciting news, even my sister-in-law became pregnant. I can honestly say that it was painful but I shared in the excitement with everyone. I was especially pleased with the idea of getting a new niece.

Another year went by before we sat down and really felt like "it's time." We knew we had room in our home and in our hearts, at this point though it was more like room in our home and a hole in our hearts. We had two options, infertility treatments or adoption. Adoption is something I have always felt called to do and hope I will do at some point in my life. We attended information sessions about adoption and even found a adoption placement center that we liked but we couldn't quite decide which way were going to choose.

Towards the beginning of 2012 we started with Intrauterine insemination (IUI) and clomid. The first treatment was quite painful physically. After leaving the doctors office I was filled with hope, excitement and prayer. Then we waited...waited...and waited some more. The waiting was so difficult as it consumed my every thought. Then, my cycle came. I wasn't pregnant.

There is no other way to explain it but to say I was sad. Not only was I sad but I was (as usual) experiencing intense pain and side effects from my cycle that was constantly reminding me that I wasn't pregnant. We went through the IUI cycles 2 more times with no luck. Our next step was self administered shots to increase ovulation with IUI. The idea of having to give myself a shot seemed so scary but I was willing to do almost anything.

Suddenly, without notification, my husband was laid off from his job. Surprising how things work out (not really). After a couple of months of being laid off we were truly blessed with his most recent job which we feel was a true gift. (As a side note as I was finishing this blog we found out that his last employer was sold and almost everyone will be let go). Instead of picking up with the infertility specialist we felt lead to pick up the adoption application the adoption agency had sent us after our first interview that we had been saving. For the last couple of months we've spent countless hours looking for paperwork, filling out forms, being poked by doctors for health exams, and the list goes on.

Today, a trip to the postal store, was a milestone, one filled with excitement and nerves. I'm sure the ladies at the local UPS store were wondering why I was so jittery. We officially have mailed in our adoption application. There are still many steps to come, a long process awaits us, but we are excited about the future and what is to come, while also trying to be realistic. We recently sold our van and were blessed to learn the story of it's new owners. It's one of those times in your life where you know and are so very confident that your on the right path.

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

 

There are so many details I left out for the sake of your time. But if you have questions feel free to ask.

 

xoxo

 

This is us now, well a couple of years ago, minus our dog.

 

Here's Kati, aka Kit Kat