Our Growing Family



The Mellema's
Our Growing Family

I guess to get a better understanding of the story I'll start from the beginning which was about eight and half years ago when I married a man I had only known for 13 months. I couldn't have asked for a better best friend, partner in crime, or cheerleader. He's been such a supporter and encourager for our family and my hopes and dreams.

For those of you who know us, you know he's a tad bit older than I am... okay, well that may be a slight understatement, but it works perfectly for us. I came to the marriage with my ill behaved Boxer puppy, she was about a year old. And my husband brought with him my sweet step-son, who was 9 at the time we married. I'm going to be totally honest, the first year of our marriage was rough. But God is good and had a plan in mind.

It took time for our family to adjust and to be honest it still is adjusting. Every day is a new day that brings new challenges and triumphs. Our son, we'll call him "T" is a senior in high school now and over the past few years I've experienced things with him that I can share with friends and family who haven't been there yet but will one day. While our relationship has been slow, and like most new parents, I wish I could have done things better, I feel so happy at where we are now. Last night T and I stayed up till 1a.m. chatting about the things he wanted and needed to talk about. I felt guilty for keeping him up on a school night but I knew he needed me to listen to him and maybe provide some advice. He and his father have a relationship that's unique, just like he has with his birth mother. But I feel so proud that despite having two parents already in his every day life, he made room for a different kind of relationship with me.

While I feel great joy from being a step-mom I've always wanted to be a "mom." I was the little girl when asked in elementary school, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" answered, "a mommy." Occasionally this varied, but for the most part I didn't stray. When I got married I had this plan, this picture of how things would unfold. Growing up in church and having a relationship with God, I should have known that my plan may not always match what God has in mind.

A few years went by and no baby. Another....and...no baby. During this time on more than one occasion I mentioned (more like crying distraughtly while complaining) to my gynecologist that my cycles couldn't be considered normal. Along with severe pain, every month I experienced other severe side effects that I won't gross you out with. She insisted that everything was fine. At one point she did do a sonogram but found nothing.

After about 5 years we decided to visit a fertility specialist. Upon first examination she discovered I had endometrosis and had a single cyst in both ovaries at minimum, however, I was still ovulating. We prayed and discussed what our plan was. We had a few other things we had to get in order before we could start any type of treatments and soon after our first visit my husband found a new job which no longer had infertility insurance so we decided to wait a bit longer.

During this time all I saw were pregnant bellies. It was like a plague. Women with babies, women with huge bellies, close friends calling with the exciting news, even my sister-in-law became pregnant. I can honestly say that it was painful but I shared in the excitement with everyone. I was especially pleased with the idea of getting a new niece.

Another year went by before we sat down and really felt like "it's time." We knew we had room in our home and in our hearts, at this point though it was more like room in our home and a hole in our hearts. We had two options, infertility treatments or adoption. Adoption is something I have always felt called to do and hope I will do at some point in my life. We attended information sessions about adoption and even found a adoption placement center that we liked but we couldn't quite decide which way were going to choose.

Towards the beginning of 2012 we started with Intrauterine insemination (IUI) and clomid. The first treatment was quite painful physically. After leaving the doctors office I was filled with hope, excitement and prayer. Then we waited...waited...and waited some more. The waiting was so difficult as it consumed my every thought. Then, my cycle came. I wasn't pregnant.

There is no other way to explain it but to say I was sad. Not only was I sad but I was (as usual) experiencing intense pain and side effects from my cycle that was constantly reminding me that I wasn't pregnant. We went through the IUI cycles 2 more times with no luck. Our next step was self administered shots to increase ovulation with IUI. The idea of having to give myself a shot seemed so scary but I was willing to do almost anything.

Suddenly, without notification, my husband was laid off from his job. Surprising how things work out (not really). After a couple of months of being laid off we were truly blessed with his most recent job which we feel was a true gift. (As a side note as I was finishing this blog we found out that his last employer was sold and almost everyone will be let go). Instead of picking up with the infertility specialist we felt lead to pick up the adoption application the adoption agency had sent us after our first interview that we had been saving. For the last couple of months we've spent countless hours looking for paperwork, filling out forms, being poked by doctors for health exams, and the list goes on.

Today, a trip to the postal store, was a milestone, one filled with excitement and nerves. I'm sure the ladies at the local UPS store were wondering why I was so jittery. We officially have mailed in our adoption application. There are still many steps to come, a long process awaits us, but we are excited about the future and what is to come, while also trying to be realistic. We recently sold our van and were blessed to learn the story of it's new owners. It's one of those times in your life where you know and are so very confident that your on the right path.

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

 

There are so many details I left out for the sake of your time. But if you have questions feel free to ask.

 

xoxo

 

This is us now, well a couple of years ago, minus our dog.

 

Here's Kati, aka Kit Kat