Devine Coincidence

Devine Coincidence

<Warning: This is quite a long post. I've always been one of those people who give way to many details. I can usually make a funny story so long it's not funny anymore. I'm just not always concise. I did my best to delete what I could.>

This past weekend we made a long road trip to Colorado to say good bye to one of my husbands many automobiles. During the past 8 years of our marriage we've said goodbye to several cars, but this experience was quite different.

At the beginning of this year we began to plan a vacation to WI, my husband's home state. We had everything planned wonderfully, we rented a beautiful cabin on a lake, prepared our boat for towing, planned a BBQ with friends and family, and even invited a cousin of ours along for the ride to keep our son company. The weekend before we left on our way home from our local lake our truck began to make strange noises while towing the boat. We read up and decided that driving it any further could be devastating. Hmmm...

So, here we were a week away from leaving and we had no truck to get us and our boat there. We quickly went into panic mode. We thought about renting something to tow our boat there, but it would have been a few several thousand dollars. In my husbands spare time he endlessly searches eBay motors, it's a big hobby of his, I really have no clue as to how anyone could spend so much time looking at cars, but somehow he does. While playing on eBay one evening he decided it would be cheaper in the long run if we just bought something that could tow our boat. Now, we could have just taken our small car and left the boat behind, but what fun would that be and staying in a beautiful cabin on the lake all week watching other boaters would have been pure torture for us and especially the boys.

Before I knew it he was off to pick up the new vehicle. I had no idea what kind of truck was in store, where he was going to get it or what kind of shape it was in. I was a bit nervous, but I trust his car instincts. Before he returned I decided to go fill up my car with gas at the nearby gas station. As I was finishing I saw this green  conversion van drive by and thought, "oh, please no."  I'm not going to lie, I've never been a fan of van's, any kind of vans: conversion vans, mini vans, church vans. Just not a fan. Sorry. 

I drove home after filling up my car, and yep, a big green van was in our driveway. I could see it down the block. We were going to be spending the next few days in a 1996 Dodge conversion van. It had been well taken care of, was super clean, and had plenty of room. I couldn't really complain. The boys began their trip before me. I had to work an extra day so the plan was to pick me up in St. Louis at the airport the following day.

Here they are about to hit the road



I arrived in St. Louis safely only to discover that my ride was late, the boat trailer had a flat just outside St. Louis. Phew...good thing we replaced the spare and were prepared. After picking me up, even though slightly delayed, we continued. For dinner that evening we stopped at Cracker Barrel in IL, a road trip must. 15 minutes on our way out of town we had another flat tire. After pulling over we realized that it was really 2 flat tires. With no spare tires left, we had to leave the boat on the side of the highway!!! We hoped and prayed it would still be there when we returned.

It was close to 6pm as we headed to the nearest Wal-Mart for spare tires. I called to make sure they would be open but was informed they would be closing in 5 minutes and couldn't wait for us. Yikes. So I called the 2nd closest Wal-Mart. The manager was super nice and said if we got there by 6:10 he would wait for us. After having the tires fixed we began the search for our boat, which we hoped hadn't been stolen. We didn't realize how far we had driven to Wal-Mart and on the way back to the boat kept saying, "the boat will be just around this curve.... Okay, it's this curve. Well...maybe not. Maybe it's the next." Finally we spotted it. Relief.

Now we were really delayed and worried about finding our rental cabin in the dark. It was about midnight when we finally arrived at our cabin, not to hard finding it in the dark thank goodness. Tired, hungry and ready to settle in we pulled in the driveway only to notice that someone's car was parked there. We went to retrieve the key from the lock box and found the box empty.

While we were retrieving the key we noticed a window open. Upon closer inspection we noticed voices coming from inside. Hmmm... we decided to knock on the door. Lights inside turned on and off, and on again, but no one would answer the door. I don't blame them. Worried that maybe someone had broken in we tried calling the contact numbers we had been given. One individuals answering machine picked up and the other individual said they had no idea what we were talking about.

We weren't sure what to do, but decided on calling the police who eventually discovered that the cabin had been overbooked. Luckily, my husband's friend allowed us to crash at his house for the night and didn't live to far away. The owners of the cabin called the next morning, they were nice about the situation, and gave us a few free nights and a free dinner. Bonus! We were able to check in early the next day and get our vacation started, finally.

It was the 2nd day of boating when our nephew wanted to take the boat out for some knee boarding. The guys weren't on the water long before flashing lights chased behind them. The officer began to ask my husband several questions, "Do you live here?" "Did you know during and after sunset you can't make a wake?" "Is this boat registered under your name?" "Do you have your license on you?" All of which he answered "No." Oppps. We didn't live there, we had no idea what the water rules were, we hadn't finished registering our boat since we had just gotten it, and he had left his license at the cabin. I don't remember how many citations they gave us, but it wasn't a good end to the day.

Our top deck view, so glad we didn't miss this all together



We hoped to get a fresh start the next morning with some tubing. After 15 minutes on the water the boat broke. A sensor was beeping loudly indicating something was wrong. Luckily we found a nearby boat shop who towed the boat off for repair. Some vacation! We did what we could and tried to have a good time. We did get the boat back on the very last day and were able to get a few rides in. Thankfully, the trip back home was a little smoother.  

During all our vacation travels it's crazy that something went wrong with everything except for the van. The trailers tires all blew, the cabin was overbooked and the boat broke. But the van kept us going.

A week after our return we found out that our truck that had been in the auto shop wasn't really broke, but the turbo must have been temporarily stuck. There was nothing they could really do since they couldn't get it to happen again. Very interesting.

Over the summer the van was quite useful. We received lots of compliments and even named him George when a cousin came to visit for a few weeks. My husband had made a promise to sale George after summer since we didn't have any more room for another car. So off to Ebay George went. During the auction we had several questions and over 400 people were watching, but bids meeting our reserve weren't coming in. We know in part this had to do with Ebay messing up our Ad and putting an incorrect Autocheck, a competitor of Carfax but not as good. (Coincidence? I think not!) My husband was disappointed, but since we had started our application for adoption we decided that if George didn't find a new home we would keep him as a to-and-from school vehicle as my 2 door Ford Mustang won't quite work with kids.

We went to bed without waiting for the auction to end, which wasn't till 2:30am. We woke the next morning to find that it had been sold. Even though I didn't particularly like Gorge's body style and didn't mind seeing him go, I felt sorry for my husband. I think he knew this was the last time we would own a conversion van and was sad about it. Within a few hours the buyer emailed us including a link to their blog. My husband called me later in the day feeling so much better about the transaction and encouraging me to read the buyers blog.

I'm pretty sure that after reading the first paragraph I bawled through the rest of the blog. In fact I read it several times and continued to cry. I loved their story and found it incredibly touching but that wasn't what caused my tears. I was crying because everything was so clear, God's plan had become more visible than ever. Our family WAS on the right path.

The beautiful new family who is going to be making good use of George was one "built by God" and consisted of a mother and father and five children (wow can't imagine!!), all of which were adopted. I couldn't get enough. I read through their family's blog throughout the night, learning all I could about their family, what adoption had done for them, and the trials and joy adoption had brought them.

We were to deliver George to them over the weekend in Colorado. The trip was long and grueling for one weekend, but so worth it. After meeting them and handing over the van, we had dinner at a nearby restaurant. We sat with them that evening and asked several questions, probably too many. But we were so curious and they were so honest about their experience it was hard to hold back.

I couldn't help but ask about loving your new adopted children. See, like any expecting mother, I long for a relationship with my children, one only a mother can have, one similar to the one I had with my mother. But I'm not naive. I know it will not happen instantly, over a week or even over a year. She confirmed that it takes time and that's okay and is quite normal. That with every child it will be different. They listened and provided comfort while discussing the hard stuff:"picking" the right children, feeling guilty for not picking other children and how you just know who your child is.

Adoption is a topic that to fully understand you have to have gone through yourself or with someone, just like pregnancy. For now, I won't be able to join in on the conversations of child birth, how many hours I was in labor, food cravings and sicknesses, kicks in the belly and the like. But we'll have our own story, one of trials and tribulations and hopefully eventually complete and utter joy. Just like any expecting mother I'm excited, scared and nervous about the process.

In the mean time I find comfort in knowing that we are right where God intended us to be. On the way home from Colorado we talked about all the signs we had been given over this past year that we didn't notice at the time but that are so obvious now, starting with our truck that never really broke that forced us to buy George and our failed IUI attempts.

"And he said to them, "Pay attention to what you hear: with the measure you use, it will be measured to you, and still more will be added to you." Mark: 4:24

Road trip Scenery



Thanks for reading,
Kelli

Rock-a-bye baby? Not quite.....and All the Other Questions

So now you know....

 

From my previous post you know that we have started the adoption process, that we've tried IUI, and you've got a brief version of what 2012 has been like for me. The comments I've received from telling people in person and from my last post have been interesting, nothing to exciting ...yet anyways. From what I've read, I assume there will be much more to tell later.

 

There are some things I would like to clarify though....

 

Peace

First, we have not given up on growing our family the "normal" way, however, that is not the route we are choosing at this time. Maybe someday in the future we will revisit our efforts in trying to conceive or maybe we won't. Perhaps adopting will completely fill this nagging hole in my heart to be a mom and giving birth to a child will no longer be something I desire.

 

Interestingly enough, during our IUI attempts, something happened. I can't really pin point the exact day or time, or even the week, but I realized it was not something I needed anymore. Up until that point I had always felt like if I didn't give birth I would be less...less of woman, less of mom, less of wife. I think a large portion of society causes some mothers who are made in "unconventional" ways to feel different, abnormal, and yes...less than. Actually, after reading several blogs written by mothers who have adopted, I know this to be true.  

 

I remember telling my husband at one point that I wasn't really sure about continuing IUI. I think he thought that I was scared it wouldn't work, that I was allowing myself to prepare for the failure I was expecting. I even began to wonder if that was really it.... did I want something so bad, but was so afraid it wouldn't happen that I began try and make myself not want it?

 

After our 3rd failed attempt, I felt such peace about our decision to stop trying. It wasn't something I had scared myself into feeling, at this point in my life I honestly just felt that giving birth wasn't something that I had to do. It wasn't just the fear of self administering shots that discouraged us from continuing (although I'm sure this did play a small part in a way), a large part was that I felt okay with not forcing it to happen. I still know I would enjoy the pregnancy process, but I simply do not need to be pregnant at this time.

 

It's hard to explain, and maybe after a while, once we've had time with our new family members, the need will came back. But in the meantime I am grateful for the peace God has provided my heart in this area. Seeing pregnant mommies-to-be thankfully doesn't sadden me (it was more like a pain that caused my heart to tear into several tiny shredded pieces) anymore.

 

Questions



Secondly, I would like to answer some of the most common questions I've recieved. It's interesting, when someone shares news that they are expecting people then often ask certain questions, "when are you due?," "do you want a boy or girl?," "how are you feeling?" and so on. I am sure pregnant mothers get tired of answering the same questions over and over. Telling people you are adopting comes with its own set of questions. Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm offended or not by what I get asked.

 

Usually the first question is, "from what country?" I want to ask...."why does that matter?". If I was adopting from China, or Russia, or maybe Haiti, would that make me a better person? Does it make you think differently about my future child? Does it make me not as "cool" as the hip celebrities if I don't adopt from an exotic place?

 

Perhaps I am being over sensitive. I am greatful that international adoption has become so poplar. A part of me does not mind the bluntness, I am mostly glad that you (who ever you are) seem to find adoption exciting (thus far anyways). I do often find myself proudly stepping onto my soup box to explain that there are children all over the world of different ages and races that need families and love, even in our own immediate area. More than 6,000 abused and neglected children in Texas are awaiting adoption.

 

While it may not seem foreign and magical, we are excited to adopt from anywhere, including boring ole' Texas (I actually love the Lone Star State myself). I've camped many-a campgrounds, swam several of her lakes, floated her rivers and walked her sandy shores and have found every experience quite memorable and can't wait to experience some of these things with my future children and family.

 

Another question I get is "what age, a baby?". I usually respond with "No, not a baby." It's simple, it's clear and I hope to get the point across quickly. However, my answer usually makes people feel sorry for me or nervous, their response can sometimes come in the form of a grunt, or I'll get a "are you sure" or "you never know." I am sure that these types of responses come from a lack of education or thought, and no... I'm not trying to offend anyone. Despite what people choose: giving birth to a baby, adopting a baby soon after they are born or adopting a baby sometime during their childhood, each option will have it's own pros and cons. My "cons" happen to be different than yours, not worse, not better, just different.

 

Of those 6,000 children in Texas waiting to be adopted about 60 percent of them are age 6 or older. The adoption agency that we chose only serves children from 0-12, so our child(ren) will not be older than 12. Yes, there may be more than one. I'm not sure how many. I feel like I have room in my heart for hundreds, but I'm trying to be as realistic as I can be.

 

There are several questions I receive that I can not answer. I do not know their race, I do not know when, I do not know how long it will take, and I don't know if they will be boys or girls. All I can do is pray that God will show us some sign and guide our way to a larger family. Our agency did inform us that since we are open it may not take as long as it takes others.

 

In the mean time any prayers you would like to send our way would be greatly appreciated. I also want to let you in on a secret, if you haven't noticed, I am not a writer. I've never been one to put things elegantly or be able to hang readers on the edge of their seats. Like most I rely on spell check and write what comes to mind.

 

Thanks for reading!

 

Kelli

xoxo

 

 

 

 



Our Growing Family



The Mellema's
Our Growing Family

I guess to get a better understanding of the story I'll start from the beginning which was about eight and half years ago when I married a man I had only known for 13 months. I couldn't have asked for a better best friend, partner in crime, or cheerleader. He's been such a supporter and encourager for our family and my hopes and dreams.

For those of you who know us, you know he's a tad bit older than I am... okay, well that may be a slight understatement, but it works perfectly for us. I came to the marriage with my ill behaved Boxer puppy, she was about a year old. And my husband brought with him my sweet step-son, who was 9 at the time we married. I'm going to be totally honest, the first year of our marriage was rough. But God is good and had a plan in mind.

It took time for our family to adjust and to be honest it still is adjusting. Every day is a new day that brings new challenges and triumphs. Our son, we'll call him "T" is a senior in high school now and over the past few years I've experienced things with him that I can share with friends and family who haven't been there yet but will one day. While our relationship has been slow, and like most new parents, I wish I could have done things better, I feel so happy at where we are now. Last night T and I stayed up till 1a.m. chatting about the things he wanted and needed to talk about. I felt guilty for keeping him up on a school night but I knew he needed me to listen to him and maybe provide some advice. He and his father have a relationship that's unique, just like he has with his birth mother. But I feel so proud that despite having two parents already in his every day life, he made room for a different kind of relationship with me.

While I feel great joy from being a step-mom I've always wanted to be a "mom." I was the little girl when asked in elementary school, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" answered, "a mommy." Occasionally this varied, but for the most part I didn't stray. When I got married I had this plan, this picture of how things would unfold. Growing up in church and having a relationship with God, I should have known that my plan may not always match what God has in mind.

A few years went by and no baby. Another....and...no baby. During this time on more than one occasion I mentioned (more like crying distraughtly while complaining) to my gynecologist that my cycles couldn't be considered normal. Along with severe pain, every month I experienced other severe side effects that I won't gross you out with. She insisted that everything was fine. At one point she did do a sonogram but found nothing.

After about 5 years we decided to visit a fertility specialist. Upon first examination she discovered I had endometrosis and had a single cyst in both ovaries at minimum, however, I was still ovulating. We prayed and discussed what our plan was. We had a few other things we had to get in order before we could start any type of treatments and soon after our first visit my husband found a new job which no longer had infertility insurance so we decided to wait a bit longer.

During this time all I saw were pregnant bellies. It was like a plague. Women with babies, women with huge bellies, close friends calling with the exciting news, even my sister-in-law became pregnant. I can honestly say that it was painful but I shared in the excitement with everyone. I was especially pleased with the idea of getting a new niece.

Another year went by before we sat down and really felt like "it's time." We knew we had room in our home and in our hearts, at this point though it was more like room in our home and a hole in our hearts. We had two options, infertility treatments or adoption. Adoption is something I have always felt called to do and hope I will do at some point in my life. We attended information sessions about adoption and even found a adoption placement center that we liked but we couldn't quite decide which way were going to choose.

Towards the beginning of 2012 we started with Intrauterine insemination (IUI) and clomid. The first treatment was quite painful physically. After leaving the doctors office I was filled with hope, excitement and prayer. Then we waited...waited...and waited some more. The waiting was so difficult as it consumed my every thought. Then, my cycle came. I wasn't pregnant.

There is no other way to explain it but to say I was sad. Not only was I sad but I was (as usual) experiencing intense pain and side effects from my cycle that was constantly reminding me that I wasn't pregnant. We went through the IUI cycles 2 more times with no luck. Our next step was self administered shots to increase ovulation with IUI. The idea of having to give myself a shot seemed so scary but I was willing to do almost anything.

Suddenly, without notification, my husband was laid off from his job. Surprising how things work out (not really). After a couple of months of being laid off we were truly blessed with his most recent job which we feel was a true gift. (As a side note as I was finishing this blog we found out that his last employer was sold and almost everyone will be let go). Instead of picking up with the infertility specialist we felt lead to pick up the adoption application the adoption agency had sent us after our first interview that we had been saving. For the last couple of months we've spent countless hours looking for paperwork, filling out forms, being poked by doctors for health exams, and the list goes on.

Today, a trip to the postal store, was a milestone, one filled with excitement and nerves. I'm sure the ladies at the local UPS store were wondering why I was so jittery. We officially have mailed in our adoption application. There are still many steps to come, a long process awaits us, but we are excited about the future and what is to come, while also trying to be realistic. We recently sold our van and were blessed to learn the story of it's new owners. It's one of those times in your life where you know and are so very confident that your on the right path.

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

 

There are so many details I left out for the sake of your time. But if you have questions feel free to ask.

 

xoxo

 

This is us now, well a couple of years ago, minus our dog.

 

Here's Kati, aka Kit Kat

 

 

Cake Decorating: First Lesson

Me, Bake??

 

If you know me your probably surprised. I'm not one for spending my free time in the kitchen.

I attended my very first cake decorating class. It's always something I wanted to do but didn't have enough courage to sign up by myself. Well, I did it. Since I spend a good portion of my day alone I was looking forward to getting out and meeting some new people. The idea of making my own cakes for parties, showers, and special occassions has always been appealing as well.

When I signed up for the class at my nearest Hobby Lobby I was given a list of supplies, which totalled to more than the class itself which was only $20. With my new apron, 6 flat cookies, and decorating tips I entered a.... empty classroom. Yup, I was the only one who had signed up. So much for making lots of new friends.

I quickly tried to settle my disappointment by realizing that for the next four weeks I would be getting one on one attention from Betty, the instructor. She must be in her 60's or 70's, has been teaching classes for over 5 years and has taught over 750 students. While I'm disappointed I won't be making lots of new friends who share my desire to learn how to decorate cakes, I do look forward to spending time with Betty who's absolutly lovely.

The morning before class I realized I hadn't made the 6 cookies required. I settled for a semihomade reciepe and used a heart cookie cutter.



The first evening was pretty basic stuff. We went over all the supplies, the plan for classes, and then the fun began. We made homeade buttercream frosting. Using a star technique, I decorated some of the cookies I had brought. Here's the finished product once I go them home and put them on a platter. The didn't look this way for long.

 

 

 

Next week we'll be decorating an actual cake and I look forward to posting about my time spent with Betty.